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And the campus security says that there were only five rapes on campus last year. Every student who attends the university is being raped in one way or another.

May 28, 2014

I decided to take a semester off. Oh, I taught class and I attended the idiotic faculty meetings, but I didn’t do much in the way of teaching.I just sort of winged it. I taught a class on Saussure and Lacan, and a couple of people that nobody really cares about and gave most students C’s. There might have been some who deserved higher grades, but since nobody complained, I guess I got it right.It’s a good thing that i didn’t read anyone’s paper. My time is too valuable for that.

Last fall semester’s literature class (you remember, the one about Lord Byron’s perversions) was interesting, though. I had several bible thumpers in the class who objected to the course content. I learned a lot about the books of Deuteronomy and Leviticus from them, and they learned a very important lesson from me: If something seems too good to be true, it is.

I made a deal with them. I told them that if they wouldn’t come to class. I’d give them A’s. At the end of the semester, I awarded them all D’s. Why? They didn’t come to class. I have proof: the attendance sheet. Sorry about that. I learned something, and they learned something.

I’m teaching Writing 101 this summer. Most of these kids cannot spell or write. I wonder how they passed the SAT. I wonder if they passed the SAT. The university racked up a lot of debt when it built the football stadium, so I guess it lowered the bar again. Poor kids. Not only were they duped into going to college with little chance of passing, but they’re all paying for a football stadium which most will never set foot in. They all pay massive student activity fees, but the stadium reserves only about 7,000 seats for students. Worse, they pay over $500.00 per year for parking on-campus, but there aren’t enough parking spaces for all of them. The parking fees and the activity fees are little more than lotteries.

And the campus security says that there were only five rapes on campus last year. Every student who attends the university is being raped in one way or another.

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